Holiday season wishes, 2021 - what began as a one-line Facebook post

My husband believes in the spirit of Santa Claus, of finding little miracles all year long. I've gotta tell you, it's a nice attitude to have in our home.

Speaking of miracles: Science is real even when many of us can't understand how it works. (I don't know exactly how my car works but I know it's real.) I am vaccinated and boostered. I saw my family for the first time in nearly two years, in September of 2021, and again on Thanksgiving, and again on Christmas Day. Through 2019, the visits were beautiful and always made me teary. Here in 2021, they're beautiful; and I cherish them even more because now I know what it's like to live without them, to only have video of the Thanksgiving "Thankfuls" going around the table instead of adding to them in person. (My brother's is always my favorite.)

2020 and 2021 brought painful losses: several of the parents and partners and siblings of children and partners and siblings in our world. Many of them have been suffering through their first holiday season alone over the past several weeks.  It pains me that due to distance and safety we haven't been able to spend time with most of them. 

It delights me that, with a lot of free software (e.g., IM, Zoom), we can be in touch with them, or they with us, in just a few moments. 

You know what's really cool? Witnessing the kids in our family become the smart, sassy, beautiful adults who are our future. They don't disappoint. I hope you're able to enjoy the kids in your family, too.

It makes me happy that even the rise in postage (58 cents for a letter within the USA), we were able to send over a hundred holiday cards, which traveled to mailboxes that usually contain bills or catalogs - and that we received a bunch of cards or calls or email in return.

2020 and 2021 brought me new and renewed powerfully strong friendships. "Life is short." Indeed. Years ago, I decided that life is too short for me to waste on relationships for the sake of those three little words. I would rather devote our life to good people who matter to me because they show kindness not only to us but also to others. I have moved on. I don't think that trying to maintain relationships for the sake of maintaining them is weak or wishy-washy; I just don't have enough spoons to spare for people who don't want them. If you knew, or are, the fantastic people who make up our little corner of the world, you'd agree.

My husband and I still love our records, still celebrate our anniversary by supporting independent record stores. 2020 meant driving to the shuttered stores and taking selfies outside. 2021 brought us back into the stores we support in-state. We're hoping to travel to a few stores south of the CT border on our ninth anniversary, in 2022.

I still have nightmares of floods. In 2011, Hurricane Irene had held my collection of records and books underwater until it suffocated. (Our basement was at street level, not down a flight of stairs.) After we and our friends had emptied the basement of destroyed records and furniture, and a few months after my mom and I had started to recover, Andee moved in. He worked to turn the basement into a cozy room. With his collection and the one I was rebuilding, we had a 24' wall mostly full, with shelving nearly to the ceiling. One horrible night in 2012, as we were working on our wedding invitations and oblivious to the weather for the first time in days, Hurricane Sandy rushed into our home and drowned our collection. (You may remember, or are hearing for the first time, that the washing machine floated and the dryer filled with mud. Records are 12". The water rose a minimum of 36", higher in some areas.) We did pick up the sodden ruins and have moved forward - thanks in no small part to our amazing family (DNA and otherwise). 

In 2020, we finally built the record room we'd been dreaming of.  We were able to build our room because of trusted contractors, and have been able to fill it because of the generosity of our family. When the holidays are over, I'll go back to updating Andee's enormous database (I think we have almost 39,000 records and CDs, most of which were gifts of love).

After we were robbed by the final contractor (well, "final" until we could hire someone to repair what the other guy had destroyed - long story) in December of 2020, one of our dearest friends got me to start painting. I am horrible at it and I won't be posting pictures any time soon; but it's calmed me considerably throughout 2021. I've got a budding non-professional relationship with a professional instructor who, it turns out lives a little ways north of my painting friend and me. When infection rates drop, there's coffee in our combined future. Both ladies - dearest friend and new friend - should have been included in my formal "Thankful"s this year.

There's an artists' workshop coming up - out-of-state, giving me the chance to travel and meet online friends, as I used to in the 1990s and early 2000s. Just getting in my car and driving 12 hours, and/or booking a flight to Canada or Mexico on a whim, are no longer options because now I'm a grownup with responsibilities.

So, back to the "Happy holidays!" theme that was going to be the one-line Facebook post that turned into the essay you're reading: I want the people around me to be happy. (Within reason, of course - if you are happy as a bully, I probably won't change you, but you're also not my friend anyway so you're not reading this. Whoever you are.) I still talk to my parents every day, so I still try to live by the examples they set. Some days are epic fails, but some days I do okay! 

My New Year's Resolution is no different than my daily resolution: to be better today than I was yesterday. "Better." The what I'm better at changes from day to day. Sometimes it's tolerance. Sometimes it's computer skill. Or painting. Or sending "Thinking of you" cards. It's fluid. I'm never going to be everyone's favorite person -- and I don't want to be. That would make for a pretty boring world.

I want more kindness surrounding me. There's a lot, in the hearts of my friends, and I'd love to have some of their natural abilities. To be able to remind people how special you are just by looking at you, to help you see your value. 

Love trumps hate - and if it doesn't, we should work on it. People matter.

I wish you a Safe and Happy Holiday Season. I'm not eschewing "Merry Christmas!" and love when people take a moment to wish anyone a beautiful day. Rather, I'm trying to be all-encompassing, from day-after-Halloween sales and Thanksgiving preparation to David Bowie's birthday. Your faith or any lack thereof is not my business unless you want to share it with me. I don't proselytize. 

I hope you enjoy the whole season. Be safe.